Originally written in March, 2011, updated Feb., 2016 

It has become increasingly clear that liberals, in addition to having no sense, do not have a sense of humor, either. In this observation I include liberal Republicans, liberal Libertarians, and liberal Amish. The ramification of this lack of humor is proving disastrous for the Republic, as it has for me, personally.

A few years ago, a collection of Maine’s stellar journalistic talents put their collective gumshoes to work exposing the identity of a fictional internet character known to readers of As Maine Goes (AMG) as The Distributist. ‘Twas only me. In an award-winning example of what the readers of their individual blogs and columns rely on for news, these skillful sleuths managed to reveal what many people in AMG circles commonly knew already. After all, I was first revealed to be The Distributist sometime back around 2006. As then, Mike Tipping is still, even now, just a dimple-faced pup that likely did not yet access the Internet, except on his school-issued MacBook, while Al Diamon has always prided himself on covering State House politics without ever actually entering the State House. Probably because he doesn’t live within walking distance.

Marching in progressive lockstep, MPBN’s own Environmental Custodian, Serious Susan Sharon threw her bona fides on the flames of dissent over The Distributist’s incendiary forum posts. I hesitate to even mention the anonymous and profane little knave who used to manage one of the most hate-filled websites in Maine, asmainegoeslolz.com, which existed only to mock AMG. Sadly now, in 2016, AMG is mere shadow of its former self, requiring no outside help in being mocked.

I have a theory that all liberals share the same brain, which only one of them can use at a time. Where they store it when it isn’t in use remains a mystery I aim to solve.

It’s true – a dozen or so years ago I created an on-line persona known as The Distributist that employed the double-edged sword of Satire and Sarcasm, lobbing the occasional inflammatory rhetorical device into the on-line discussion of whatever topic was at hand, with the goal of stirring the pot, hitting the hornets nest, pushing the buttons and otherwise continuing the debate of issues that interested me, as The Distributist. Occasionally, I would exhibit a more cerebral side, but primarily I simply had fun making fun of those who take being made fun of too damn seriously.

It was a hobby, and not a particularly rewarding one. But, as one who works with words, I guess it was a form of grammatical calisthenics that afforded me the opportunity to keep my wit trim and my logic limber. One thing I learned over the years, in addition to the lugubrious approach to life of the Professional Left, is that it is surprisingly easy to poke a finger in the eye of those whose eyes are closed. It seems that those most lacking in humor are also those most easily offended. Righteous indignation is not an emotion as much as it has become a tool of the professional progressive. Seriously, is there anything on God’s green earth that doesn’t offend poor little Mike Tipping? Or his sibling-in-arms, what’s-his-name, Gerry Whinehard?

All this hypersensitivity being worn as some kind of indignant badge of honor is a bit out of control. There are those who, when they can’t win the debate on the merits of their own argument, attack the person (the ad hominem attack). The interesting thing about this entire incident is that none of the “journalists” involved attempted to contest what the evil Distributist actually wrote, they simply removed quotes from context and expressed their outrage that anyone would exercise their 1^st Amendment right so recklessly. The cited comments are characterized as either “homophobic” or “islamophobic” simply based on their critical (and sarcastic) tone, not the nature of the arguments being made.

That’s fine. The Distributist would’ve preferred they sign up as members of As Maine Goes, under noms de guerre if they prefer, and meet me on the level playing field. As an AMG member I would have to respected the rules of engagement and upheld my pledge not to reveal their true identities. I tried to explain in a conversation with young Mr. Tipping that I was honor-bound not to reveal the identity of any AMG poster, even my own, but hell hath no fury like a righteously indignant would-be journalist who, at the time, was still smarting from the shellacking the concept of so-called gay “marriage” took at the polls.

I do find it amusing that the accusations of hate speech and intolerance against The Distributist had been made by those who have themselves exhibited a fair amount of intolerance toward, say, Christians or (gasp) Republicans, conservatives, pro-lifers and NFL fans. I would have expected such important public figures to be as accepting and tolerant of the opinions of others as we would want others to be of our own opinions. The Distributist would say that he is tired of all the intolerance in the name of tolerance.

And G.K. Chesterton once said, “A man preaching what he thinks is a platitude is far more intolerant than a man preaching what he admits is a paradox.”

Perhaps most troubling was the rapidity with which the Republicans folded like a house of cards under these lightweight accusations of a penumbra of hate speech. I never expected to be fired from my new government job by my fairly conservative boss. Why do so many leading conservatives allow their ideological opponents to dictate the parameters of the discussion? Why have Maine’s leading Leftist voices been allowed to determine the meaning of words and the intent behind expressions of free speech?

Water under the bridge, words under the transom… Do a search at AMG to see if you can find any hate speech posted by The Distributist. And check back here to see if I’m still capable of garnering the ire of the Professional Left…